Hey gorgeous people,
Your friendly neighbourhood Chief Dildo Officer here, writing from what used to be our calm little office and is now... well, chaos. Beautiful, overwhelming chaos.
🎬 SO THIS HAPPENED...
One of our Dragon Oni videos* went absolutely BONKERS on Instagram. Like, 11,191,736** views bonkers. (And 69k likes because the universe has a sense of humour.)
We're seeing a LOT of new faces around here, so welcome, welcome! Take a seat, make yourself comfortable while I ramble on about what's happening at UC HQ.
THE AFTERMATH
Orders have gone a teensy bit crazy thanks to Instagram. We had a record day of sales on Saturday... So obviously, my professional advice is: don't place any more orders.
(JK. Please do. We'll just up our doses of caffeine to get your orders made up.)
UPGRADES...
THE DOUBLE SUCTION CUP & LET'S STICK TOGETHER VAC U LOCK SUCTION CUP GOT A GLOW UP.
We partnered with our sister brand Sinnovator on these little engineering marvels, which involved more rigorous testing than we care to admit. Picture us in the office, frantically sticking toys to windows and timing how long they stayed put. Very scientific. Very professional. Definitely didn't involve any side-bets about who could achieve the longest stick time.
OFFICE UPDATES
Ryan has officially been nicknamed "Johnny Depth" in the manufacturing room due to all the depth trainers he makes. He's embracing it.
Also, we bought a smoke machine. Prepare for A LOT of our content to contain smoke (even when it doesn't make sense).
LATEST MASTERPIECE ALERT
The Alien Dildo III just dropped and honestly? It's giving intergalactic fantasy realness. Check it out if you're ready to explore new dimensions (literally).
COMING VERY SOON...
New toys are brewing in our creative cauldron! We're currently having heated debates about what colour we should make a tongue. (Democracy is messy, people.)
Plus, we're beefing up our realistic collection with some other cool designs that are going to make you very, very happy.
IN SUMMARY
This viral moment has been wild, wonderful, and slightly overwhelming (I had to turn off phone notifications). Thanks for being part of this beautifully chaotic journey with us.
Keep being amazing, keep exploring, and keep making pleasure a priority.
Thank you and goodbye forever***!
* Here's a clip of the viral sensation, click it to see the whole thing
** If you were one of those 11,191,736 million viewers, hello 👋
*** Until next week when I have more updates/chaos to report
Your truly,
Chief Dildo Officer