Another week of organised chaos has passed at HQ, and boy, do we have stories to tell.
AWARDS & REVIEWS
- We're officially award nominees! The 2025 XMA Awards are this Saturday, and The Tentacle Ovipositor has been nominated for Best Fantasy-Themed Sex Toy! We're crossing everything crossable.
- Hit 52 glorious 5-star TrustPilot reviews! If you're feeling generous, we wouldn't say no to a few more wink wink.
- 856 product reviews and counting... Only 144 more until the big 1,000 celebration... not that we're obsessively checking or anything.
NEW HIRE ALERT: STARTING MONDAY!
After wading through 506 applications... turns out making sex toys is a pretty popular career choice. Who knew?!
Our new teammate starts Monday, and they have NO idea what they're walking into:
Our new teammate starts Monday, and they have NO idea what they're walking into:
- Jade perfecting her true crime knowledge while trimming (totally normal workplace behaviour)
- Dave daydreaming of Battenberg cake
- James doing his best circus act with production juggling
- Matt training for the Olympic Speed Packing Team
- Hannah borrowing customer's products for social media content
Welcome to the family! We promise it's mostly organised chaos. Mostly.
PRODUCT UPDATES
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Meet our new Liquid Silk lube – because every toy with a cum tube deserves its perfect partner. Finally, realism that feels as good as it looks. (And yes, we tested it. Extensively. For science, obviously.)
- MYSTERIOUS TEASER: Something big. Something yellow. Something that may appeal to certain primates... No, we're not telling. Yet.
SIZE MATTERS...
Introducing our new Made-to-Measure Calculator: Because nobody wants to play "Guess The Size" with their extender.
Just punch in your numbers, and our fancy new tool will:
Introducing our new Made-to-Measure Calculator: Because nobody wants to play "Guess The Size" with their extender.
Just punch in your numbers, and our fancy new tool will:
- Calculate your perfect fit
- Show you exactly how impressive the final results will be
- Take all the guesswork out of sizing
No more mathematical gymnastics or risky estimations. Just precise, personalised results that'll measure up to your expectations. (Sorry, we had to.)
Want to take it for a spin? Head to our Made-to-Measure extenders and let the calculator do the heavy lifting (the calculator is on the product pages).
Bonus: We've also added dual density to our made to measure range for ultra-realistic feel (fancy speak for soft head, firm shaft - trust us, it's a game-changer).
That's all for this week... With chaos and kindness,
Chief Dildo Officer (I was told I could choose my own title)
P.S. If anyone knows the award judges... put in a good word for us!
