The Golem Dildo, front view, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, front view, second shot, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, front view, shot 3, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, angled view, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, front view, shot 4, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, front view, shot 5, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, angled view, second shot, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, front view, shot 6, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, held in hand, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, held in hand, second shot, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo, held in hand, shot 3, platinum-cure silicone dildo

The Golem Dildo

Q: What do the colours actually look like?

Check out our colour guide to see exactly what our colours look like. But please keep in mind, each toy is hand-poured, so no two are exactly alike!

Q: What are the different firmness options?

We offer the following firmness options: Medium Firmness - 10A on the Shore hardness scale Super Soft Firmness - 0040 on the Shore hardness scale Squishy Soft Firmness - 0020 on the Shore hardness scale For more information about our firmness options see our firmness guide .

New

£49

Ridge after ridge after ridge, rolling along a curve that makes itself known the whole way. New to texture? Start at extra small and work your way up, it's all body safe platinum silicone.

Size: X-Small

X-Small £49 Small £59 Medium £69Most Popular Large £119

Size Guide

Full details

Meet The Golem. A construct of stone and earth, brought to life by magic (and, if we're honest, a little bit by your search history).

Lifted straight out of Dungeons and Dragons and dropped into your bedside drawer. A ridged head leads the way, then layered ridges stack all the way down the curved shaft, with clusters of bumps along the sides because one texture was never going to be enough. Carved stone energy. Every ridge gets noticed (which is sort of the whole point).

The base is wide, heavy and rounded with a rocky texture, so it stands up on its own like a tiny monument to your excellent decisions. Golems are famously hard to knock over. This one is no exception.

Premium platinum silicone, made to order, in extra small, small, medium and large. Pick your size. The golem will wait (patiently, it's literally made of rock).

Designed with ExcelD Designs.

Platinum Silicone

We use platinum-cure silicone for every single product because honestly? You deserve toys that are safe, durable, and feel as good as they look.

What makes it so special?

It's non-porous, which means when you clean it, it actually gets clean clean. No sneaky bacteria hiding in microscopic crevices. No weird smells developing over time. Just pure, body-safe silicone that stays hygienic no matter how adventurous you get.

Plus, it feels incredible. Like, genuinely fantastic!

Secure Checkout

We accept credit cards, debit cards, PayPal, ClearPay, Sezzle and Klarna. All secure, all simple, all showing discreetly on your bank statement.

Shipping to United Kingdom

Discreet Shipping

All our toys arrive in the most boring brown boxes imaginable. No logos, no winking emojis, no hints. Just you, your package, and absolutely zero awkward small talk with delivery drivers.

Returns

Look, we get it. Sometimes things don't work out. We've all been there.

You've got 30 days from when your package arrives to decide if you want to return something. Just make sure the item is in the same condition you received it — unused, with all its original packaging and tags intact.

For more info here's our full returns policy.

A ridged head, then wave after wave of ridges down the shaft, with little clusters of bumps along the sides keeping things interesting.

That heavy, rocky base stays upright on its own (very golem of it), and you can add a double suction cup or Vac U Lock compatibility if you want it going absolutely nowhere.

Premium platinum silicone, made to order, and a quick wash with warm water and mild soap keeps your construct in fighting form.

Size Guide

Measurement	XS	S	M	L
Tip Circumference	2″ 5.1cm	2.2″ 5.6cm	2.4″ 6.1cm	2.6″ 6.6cm
Tip Diameter	0.6″ 1.5cm	0.7″ 1.8cm	0.7″ 1.8cm	0.8″ 2.0cm
Head Circumference	3.7″ 9.4cm	4.7″ 11.9cm	6.1″ 15.5cm	7.3″ 18.5cm
Head Diameter	1.2″ 3.0cm	1.5″ 3.8cm	1.9″ 4.8cm	2.3″ 5.8cm
Shaft Circumference	4.3″ 10.9cm	5.5″ 14.0cm	6.7″ 17.0cm	7.7″ 19.6cm
Shaft Diameter	1.4″ 3.6cm	1.8″ 4.6cm	2.1″ 5.3cm	2.4″ 6.1cm
Insertable Length	4.1″ 10.4cm	5.3″ 13.5cm	6.5″ 16.5cm	7.5″ 19.1cm
Total Length	5.1″ 13.0cm	6.7″ 17.0cm	8.3″ 21.1cm	9.4″ 23.9cm
Base Circumference	8.1″ 20.6cm	10.6″ 26.9cm	12.9″ 32.8cm	14.8″ 37.6cm

These are this one’s numbers. Curious how it compares to everything else we make?

See Every Size, Side By Side

Product FAQ

What do the colours actually look like?

Check out our colour guide to see exactly what our colours look like. But please keep in mind, each toy is hand-poured, so no two are exactly alike!

How often should I clean my sex toys?

Clean your sex toys after every use! If you forget, just make sure they’re squeaky clean before the next use. However, anal toys need immediate attention due to the higher concentration of bacteria in that area, so wash and dry them ASAP.

What are the different colour options?

We offer 6 different colour styles, though not all are available on every product.

Surprise Me Basic - Leave the decision in our capable hands and we'll choose a solid colour that compliments your toy selection.

Surprise Me Premium - Leave the decision to us and we'll get creative with two or more colours. We love this choice as it allows us to get experimental with all of our colours, often resulting in our best pours.

Solid - One colour that will run evenly throughout your toy

Fade - Two colours combined that are gradually blended together. Colour 1 will be the tip of your toy and Colour 2 will be the shaft and base.

Marble - Two colours combined resulting in a veining effect similar to classic marble.

UC Trademark - This is a product-specific colour. The main image of the product is the UC Trademark colour.

For more information, take a look at our colour guide.

What are the different firmness options?

We offer the following firmness options:

Medium Firmness - 10A on the Shore hardness scale
Super Soft Firmness - 0040 on the Shore hardness scale
Squishy Soft Firmness - 0020 on the Shore hardness scale

For more information about our firmness options see our firmness guide.

Why do you only use platinum silicone?

We use platinum silicone so you get a toy that is non-pourous (meaning when you clean it, it gets fully clean and can't transmit bacteria), doesn't smell, is body safe and feels fantastic.

If you'd like to learn more about cleaning your toys, read our sex toy care guide.