What do horses like to eat?
Heeeey!
Lots of new things. Let's go.
GOBLIN II IS DOING RIDICULOUSLY WELL
Live for about a month. Nine reviews already. All five stars. All essentially saying the same thing: it's enormous. Which, yes. That's the Goblin II. We know. We made it.
If you're thinking about ordering one: PLEASE take this as the most sincere product guidance we will ever give you. Size down. This is not false modesty. This is not reverse psychology. This is genuine, hand on heart, we've read the reviews advice. The Goblin II is one of those situations where "true to size" means "bigger than you're imagining right now."
We're genuinely considering adding a size guide widget to the product page. Like what clothes shops have. Except instead of "fits snug through the shoulders" it says "reconsider your life choices, and take a day off work".
WE BROUGHT A DILDO BACK TO LIFE
EroticEffect was a New Zealand based company that made genuinely stunning designs. They closed late 2025. When we heard, we couldn't let one of their best designs disappear into the void forever, so we reached out, made a deal, and got to work.
Meet the Aearvon. It's still an EroticEffect product. We didn't want to slap our branding on it and call it ours because it isn't ours, it's theirs. We just didn't want it to stop existing. It's a completely different vibe to our usual stuff, which is partly why we wanted it.
We hope we've done it justice. (We think we have. But we're biased. Go look at it.)
NEW GRINDING MATS (NOW WITH VIBRATION SLOTS, AFTER MUCH SUFFERING)
Two new grinding mats dropped. Thick enough to fit slots in the back for bullet vibrators, because vibration plus grinding is a fairly overwhelming combination. In the very good way.
Getting these made was genuinely a nightmare. Zoli and A-Aaron went through strap slots, curing inhibition issues, and several redesigns before landing on something that worked. They emerged victorious. Slightly haunted, but victorious.
BUY 2 GET 1 FREE ON SELECTED GRINDERS
Cock ring grinders, grinding mats (even the two new ones!), handheld grinder. Mix and match. Experiment. That's the whole point. (Also Zoli and A-Aaron deserve the moral victory of people buying the things they suffered over.)
Thank you for your time.
Chief Dildo Officer
P.S. Seriously. Size down on the Goblin II. No mysterious agenda. It's just big.