Hey there!
Your favourite marketing person here! Apparently you've all been telling my boss you love these updates (THANK YOU), so here comes another dose of behind-the-scenes chaos. My Christmas bonus might be riding on this one, so I've made sure to include 47% more sass than usual.
HUGE NEWS: We just snagged a 10,000 Shopify Milestones Award! 🏆 Thank you to everyone who's ever placed an order with us. To those who haven't... we're not mad, just disappointed. (JK, we're a little mad. Fix this immediately.)
MORE HUGE NEWS: We're nominated for a 2025 XBIZ XMA Award! 🎉 The Tentacle Ovipositor is up for Best Fantasy-Themed Sex Toy and honestly, I'm not even surprised. Have you SEEN that thing? It's magnificent.
GRINDER COMPETITION WINNERS ANNOUNCED! For those who've been living under a rock (or just offline), we asked you creative geniuses to submit designs. We picked our fave, you voted for two more, and now we have our winners! Check them all out here https://uncovercreations.com/pages/design-a-grinder. 3D work kicks off after the Black Friday madness settles.
Speaking of Black Friday... 30% off everything + free mystery dildo when you spend over $69. Yes, sixty-nine. We know what we did there.
PRODUCT UPDATES:
- Sneaky preview: New grinder incoming (Think snakes. Think stone. Think Greek tragedy but make it sexy)
- Plot twist: Added an insertable tentacle to the Tentacle Grinder V and suddenly everyone wants one. Who knew? (We knew.)
- Successfully wrangled and photographed the 30" Tentacle Depth Trainer. My arms still hurt.
STUDIO CHAOS CORNER:
- Matt ate a kiwi WITH THE SKIN ON on Friday. We're still processing this trauma.
- Production team's hanging in there but barely. Send coffee. Send help. Send both.
- Gave the Oni grinder tiny eyes because why not? Behold its googly glory here
Thank you and goodbye forever*!
*until my next caffeine-fueled update
P.S. Next up on Matt vs. Fruit: Does he eat bananas without peeling them?
Chief Dildo Officer (I was told I could choose my own title)