About The Chief Dildo Officer Me
Full transparency: I gave myself this title.
Nobody handed it to me. It wasn't in a job description. I signed off an email with it and that was that. Turns out if you sign off as something enough times it becomes true. Here we are.
What I actually do: the emails. The product copy. The subject lines that I rewrite six times and then go back to the second version anyway. The occasional banner when our graphic designer needs words and I need to feel useful.
Why The Title
Because "copywriter" doesn't cover it and "the person who writes the emails" doesn't have a nice ring to it.
Chief Dildo Officer just feels right. It's honest about the energy even if it's not especially honest about the job description. Someone has to care this much about the words and it turns out that person is me.
What I've Done
Written emails people actually replied to. Written an apology that somehow became one of our best performing sends (I have complicated feelings about this, still). Had strong opinions about product descriptions for products I didn't design, make, or have any formal involvement in beyond "I have to write about this now and I take that seriously".
Also suggested the Tengu Grinder. Whoops... it failed miserably. Hi Tengu Grinder.
My Weaknesses
Caffeine.
Long walks on the beach.
Caring too much. About the emails. About whether the launch went well. About whether you got the right firmness and the size made sense and the whole thing arrived and felt like the thing you were hoping for. I wrote the email about it. Now it's mine a little bit. That's just how it works for me.
Anyway
Just the one who writes the emails.
Goodbye forever*
Chief Dildo Officer
*I'll probably be in your inbox if you subscribe to our emails.